When Do I Know I'm Ready for a Milonga?

As a follow-up to my previous post, inspired by a question from Tassili, this is my answer to her very excellent question.

The learning curve for leading and following is very different, as are the skills each part requires. While leading is external (focus is primarily on mechanics such as weight shift, navigation, etc.), following is internal (primarily concerned with reception and surrender). In other words, male/female or active/passive energy. With fewer "moving parts", the learning curve for following is not as steep as leading, meaning that a person can learn to follow reasonably well much sooner than an equally talented and dedicated lead. I am not suggesting that following is easy (as many followers write about the struggle to surrender), but the journey is inward, not around the dance floor avoiding boleo-ing stilettos.

As to when to go to the milonga: right away. I think it is imperative that beginners see what happens at a milonga, observe the codes of the dance floor, and learn good and bad form through that observation. Rather than jumping right onto the dance floor, leads should spend a considerable amount of time observing the importance of navigation (line of dance, avoidance of moving parts, avoidance of unmovable objects, what to do when boxed in, etc.). I also think it is simply a matter of politeness to let your potential partner know you are a beginner, whether you are a lead or a follow.

Follows will undoubtedly get asked to dance right away - experienced leads are notoriously hungry for "fresh meat" :-) ; it is up to you to decide if you are ready (politely letting them know you're a beginner), and consider that it might be another beginner who asks you, who many not know how to properly navigate (and protect you from sharp objects).

If nothing else, both beginner leads and follows should always be respectful the condition of the dance floor (crowded or not) while executing their moves, and boleos - which don't belong on a crowded floor in the first place - should be kept low to the ground.

All of this, of course, is merely academic pondering, and likely to be as effective as preaching abstinence to teens with raging hormones.

Insider Tips for Tango Beginners

Ms. Hedgehog and Koolricky's posts on Tips for Beginners at the Milongas inspired me to address what I think is a crucial issue.

[Amended a day later to include a very important point]

Dear Potential Tango Master:

Welcome to Tangri-lá! Whether you have arrived at the Tango threshold by design, by accident, or dragged there kicking and screaming by your significant other, you are about to embark on one of the most fulfilling, frustrating, enlightening, enraging, transformational experiences of your life. Many, but not (inexplicably!!) all who try Tango become addicted to it. If you have not already bought at least one pair of tango shoes, begun a serious collection of Tango CDs, have thrown out most of your wardrobe in favor of tango-wear, and know the names of all the du jour tango couples, you will soon. Very soon. You will also learn the names of all the orchestras, the names (in Spanish!) of all the steps and adornments you learn, and may very likely start your own tango blog.

These are very heady times, filled with an unspeakable energy and excitement you never knew you could experience. Not to rain on your parade, but there are also some rules and guidelines that will be very helpful to you as a beginner as you acquire knowledge, ability, and experience. Not that you'll listen, of course...

First and foremost:

• Take your time - I know it is probably useless to tell you that, but Tango is a life-long journey and thus there is no need to learn everything in the first 3 weeks (not that it is even possible). Enjoy the wide-eyed wonder of being a beginner, and take baby steps at the start of your journey. As in life (and you'll hear that phrase A Lot, especially from me), learn to walk first (literally - I'm serious) before attempting to boleo and sacada your partner to death. That having been said, you will most likely go straight from your first Tango class to your first milonga, look around, and want to make a b-line for someone who is clearly an experienced dancer.

Before you do, keep these things in mind:

• Práctica vs. Milonga - these are NOT synonyms. If you enjoy wearing your skin, you would do well to learn the difference. Práctica means "practice". That is where you try out the fancy moves you just learned in your class. You can take your time, ask questions, stay put in one place, and people will leave you alone because you are practicing. At the práctica. Never, ever, EVER practice those moves at a milonga, where you most certainly will be nailed to the wall by a downpour of stilletos. Don't even try them there unless you have mastered them and have enough room to execute them. People go to milongas to have fun, not get medical attention.
  

• Show Steps - you saw Forever Tango. You just learned the double-twist, volcada, triple-dip with barrida handstand combo just a half-hour ago in class. You did it three times with three different partners and no blood was shed. (BTW, this does NOT qualify as "knowing the step".) Now the lights have been lowered, the milonga has begun, and you narrow your eyes, scanning the edges of the room for a REAL dancer to try it out on. DON'T. If you have to use words to explain what you're doing, keep it off the dance floor. Despite the giddy delusions of your clueless little inner critic, you are not ready. Really.

• Show Steps 2 - show steps belong in shows. Which is why they're called "show" steps. Unless your intension is to "show" that you have no clue. And unless you are completely alone on the dance floor with your partner, do not attempt these difficult steps. If you just can't help yourself, for the love of God, please remain aware of others who may be in the vicinity and will most likely suffer the brunt of your spastic attempts.

• Keep it simple!!!! - I cannot sufficiently stress this point. KEEP. IT. SIMPLE!!!!! Once you have found your own axis, can maintain your balance, can walk - slowly - and keep time with the music, navigate around the dance floor, and, oh, LEAD (or FOLLOW) YOUR PARTNER - perhaps I should rephrase: you realize you HAVE a partner - then you can start trying fancier stuff. As long as it doesn't require using your partner as a launch pad. It is not the complicated steps but the ability to connect which attracts and delights experienced dancers. I am constantly shocked at the number of beginners who finally ask me to dance and confess they didn't do so before because they didn't know enough steps. NEWSFLASH: the road to Tango Bliss is not paved with fancy steps, but with the connection. Which can be accomplished through mere "walking". Even with a beginner :-)

• Adornments - many teachers unfortunately incorporate an adornment into the pattern they are teaching. Sadly, this gives beginners the impression that adornments are structural elements of Tango, and not mere embellishments to be used judiciously. The result is insipid, uninspired, autopilot embellishing. Adornments should be imperceptible to the partner, not trip them up, interfere with tempo, or make everyone wobble when they are executed. Most importantly, they should go with the music: a whip-like boleo during dramatic passages, a delicate, seductive caress during an adagio. If you cannot possibly imagine how that can be done, you're not ready for adornments.

• PS on Adornments- think of them as punctuation in a sentence. Too many and your dancing bEGiNS?!** TO LOOK !@)(*#$ LIKE**!!!!!!! THIS!!!!!!!!!!????#$(*@#*$(&%@!.

• Getting dances - this is tough. Probably the toughest part about being a beginner. But the cold, hard truth is that most people with some experience prefer to dance with others who have some experience. Be respectful of the learning curve, and the position these people have earned through years of dancing. If you are lucky enough to dance with one of us, do not expect more than one dance. NEVER insist on more. As encouraging as we want to be, it really is hardly ever a lot of fun stumbling around the dance floor and into furniture with a beginner. You will know we'll stay for another dance if we do not attempt to return to our seat like a shot out of a cannon as soon as the music stops. I personally believe it is the duty of advanced/ experienced dancers to dance with all beginners, even if just for one dance per evening.

HOWEVER:

• We are not your private teachers! Don't ask for pointers or advice or to have us show you how to do something. ESPECIALLY not at a milonga, and ESPECIALLY NOT on the dance floor (although we might occasionally offer unsolicited advice between songs). We go to a milonga to have a good time, not to be corralled into a corner as someone's practice buddy. Many advanced dancers also teach or coach, so you might ask if we do. But the only way to earn the right to a full tanda with us is by improving your dancing. Incidentally, just because you get turned down in the beginning of your journey does not mean you are invisible or will never get to dance with us again. You are ALWAYS checked on from time to time to see if there is any improvement. And remember that "improvement" includes common sense (please refer to the "Show Steps" point above). Personally, I will only dance with beginners who show progress, and will continue to refuse dances with those who do not. I NEVER accept dances from anyone who insists on doing difficult moves who don't also have the technique to do them well because I've had back surgery and would rather not have to have it again.

• Keep your head up and your chest forward - if you cannot achieve even these most rudimentary elements, you are not ready for the dance floor. Keeping your head down prevents you from detecting dangers (fists, elbows, flailing stilettos) you'll most likely walk me into. It also keeps you from leading with your chest. Leading with your hips forward instead of your chest means I cannot detect your lead (which, surprise, is not transmitted with your arms), and that your feet will step on mine and scuff up my beautiful tango shoes. This will not make me happy.

And finally (and perhaps most importantly):

• Know which foot your partner's weight is on - trying to displace your partner's leg with something fancy such as a sacada or a barrida while she is busy using it to stand on may result in what is known in the martial arts as a take-down. Tango is not Judo, despite what you may occasionally see on the dance floor. NEVER attempt to displace your partner's foot unless you are 100% (not 99%, or 99.99%- 100%) certain she is no longer using it to remain upright.
  

Practice, Practice, Practice!!
The only way to become a better dancer is to practice what you learn in your classes. Not just take more and more classes to replace the practicing. If you are really serious about becoming a decent dancer, you should:

• Take no more than one class every week to 10 days.
• Practice what you learned in class at least 3 times for every class you take.
  
• Don't take more classes until you have mastered what you have already learned.
  
• If you can't get your classmates to practice with you, consider hiring a practice coach, or
  
• Barter with more advanced people (i.e., you're a computer whiz, interior designer, etc.) and exchange your skills for their Tango time.
• Practice at each other's homes or find a studio and rent it for an hour or two.
• If you're desperate to use fancy moves, your practices are the place to work them out.
• Don't be afraid to "make mistakes"; they are inevitable.
• Don't consider sitting on the sidelines a wasted evening; an extraordinary amount can be learned from watching other people dance.

Tango is more than just dancing, it's also relationships. Let people get to know you. You'll have a much better time.

Tango, The Divine

I received Eat, Pray, Love as a gift last year, and while reading her section of praying, found a great similarity between her spiritual epiphany and my own.

Our journeys were somewhat similar: we were both aware of a Greater Purpose to life, and yearned for that Inner Peace and Boundless Love which we both intuitively knew existed "out there". And we both were impelled on our journeys by a divorce. And then we parted ways: she went to an Ashram in the middle of India's wilderness where she prayed and meditated for months upon months before being transported to bliss. I went to a Tango class.

While the desire for that Magical Connection to Infinite Love may be universal, how we go about trying to find it, and how we each eventually reach it, is not. Ergo all the world's different religions, philosophies and practices. And for some of us, the road to The Bliss is a close embrace accompanied by a wheezing little instrument.

Drawing a parallel between religion and Tango is hardly absurd. They both inspire and transform, both have adherents who believe that their particular brand of study is The Way, and both have extremists and vilifiers who feel qualified to determine who is and who is not worthy (as though one could possibly determine spiritual achievement from outer appearances. We call this "judging a book by its cover".).

I had spent a good part of my life Seeking. Yoga, Tai Chi, and meditation; each of these practices brought me closer to That Place, but not to it. I am certain that they helped pave the way to the Threshold, but stopped short of escorting me through. It took Tango to do it for me, but Ms. Gilbert's description of her moment of enlightenment was definitely familiar:

"I got pulled through the wormhole of the Absolute, and in that rush I suddenly understood the workings of the universe completely."

The instant my tango teacher took me in his arms that first class over a decade ago, I had the exact same experience. I understood the workings of the universe completely. Doubt was dissolved. Pain was dispelled. Fear evaporated. The separation of me and you, and it and them, and "out there" and "in here" all melded into a delicious, infinite glow that extended beyond the earth and any dimensions with which I was familiar. I was one with everything and everyone. I understood Love in the Universal sense. And I truly loved myself for the first time. Ever.

I had never envisioned myself dancing Tango, nor could I possibly have known the gift it held for me. Is it any wonder that Tango holds such a divine place in my life? And even though I have not been at it's altar very regularly this past year, my reverence for it remains.

Yes, Tango is a dance, and a social activity, and a heck of a lot of fun. But like anything else - hiking, painting, and yes, even yoga - it can also be so much more.

Back on My Feet

Well. Sort of. Last week a dear friend, visiting from the Seattle area, coaxed me out to a milonga. The fact that she's a great dancer - lead, no less - that we enjoy each other's company immensely, and that it was the ONLY opportunity for us to see each other, created the perfect conditions for me to be unable to refuse.

After almost a year of not dancing, I have almost surrendered to the tango-less existence I've been living. Almost. So getting back into the tango of things has - quite surprisingly - been the biggest obstacle for me so far. My two gala-related Tango outings late last year were "special events" and did not really restart my motor. But for some reason, my friend's visit did. That night I started having tango dreams again.

But before the dreams came the reality check of the milonga: squeaky, rusty, sluggish, sloppy, stumbly, unbalanced, and heavy. The seven dwarfs of Tango. They were all in attendance at the top of the evening, even if it seemed I was the only one perceiving them. I was most definitely processing everything through my brain, using my thought process to interpret every lead. This caused a terrible "lag" which I vaguely recall from my earliest days in Tango. And when confronted with the unknowns, I'd freeze inside, the brain not knowing what to make of the new information. These hesitations lasted mere nanoseconds, and may even have been imperceptible to my partners, but they were devastating to me.

I experienced a great let-down early in the evening, wondering just how long it would take me to reclaim that lost territory, and reenter the "direct response zone" (DRZ). Because it is only in this zone that I can really dance, allowing my body to receive information directly and respond to it instantly, without the purgatory of that horrid lag that occurs when the information is processed through the brain. It is in this "zone" that "I" disappear and become one the music and my partner. When I do not have to think about what I'm supposed to do, I know I can do anything, follow any lead, no matter whether I've done it before or not. No matter if I've never met my partner until that moment.

By the end of the evening, I had managed to put the brain aside and was enjoying some DRZ dancing. I am not yet at my pre-hiatus level, but definitely worlds from the brain-response Tango.

It's good to be back.

A Little Pat on the Back

So, this blog is not about self-promotion - at least not in the sense of plugging my own book.

[Oh, you didn't know I had a book? Oh, yes, I have a book. It's called The Tao of Tango, and it's going to be discussed in a book club soon.]

Generally speaking, I think self-promotion is a little tacky. Except when really cool news surfaces....

I just found out that The Tao of Tango

[you know, my book, the one I wrote...]

is #5 (out of 100) on Amazon's dance book list!!!!

How cool is that?

And it would be even cooler if if got to be #1 :-)

[hint, hint]

Another Off-Topic Post

Two in one day!! What is this blog coming to!!??

But I couldn't resist. I love to laugh (Lord knows I've needed a lot of it lately). And I love animals (all sorts, not just kitties). And when animals make me laugh, well, it's all my favorite things rolled into one. I hope you think so too.

Some Challenges Are More Fun Than Others...

Ms. Tangobaby has thrown down a cybergauntlet by "tagging" me. Like so many other cyber-things, this is new to me. But after perusing a couple of tagger/taggees, it seems like fun, my (and subsequently your) karma is not being threatened), so here goes.

The Rules:

1. Post the rules on your blog
2. Link to the person who tagged you
3. Share seven random and/or weird things about yourself. (I don't know why it has to be seven, and not five, or three, or ten. What if I'm not that interesting? Or way too weird? Whatever.)
4. Tag seven people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs. (Again with the seven...)
   
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Now that all the administrative stuff has been done...

Other taggees have included photos representational of their "things". I don't have photos of all my weirdness... Also, I like to break rules, so I'm only posting FIVE things instead of SEVEN...

1. I have twice ridden on parade floats, once as a 5-year-old, and once as a 20-something.

[in process of finding photo - check back]

2. Last year I wrote a play in 12 hours.

3. I was born with straight black hair.

4. On a good day, I can type 100 wpm.

5. Last year I took more medicines than the rest of my life combined. I realized this after watching the entire season of CSI; I had taken almost every drug they mentioned...

And since I'm breaking rules, I'm only tagging five lucky people (otherwise it would be all unbalanced...). Ok, folks - tag! now you're "it"! That is, if you're up for the challenge :-)

Alex. Tango. Fuego.
Danzarin
Tangocherie
Tangopilgrim
Tangospeak

And Now for Some Fashion..

Ok, maybe not fashion, but accessorizing.



I want these gloves. And the bracelet is nice too. And the-- ok, the whole ensemble. Except maybe the hat. Unless I'm dancing open - very open - embrace...

Redefining Myself

Or rather, my blog. I invite you to notice the new name of this blog, although the address remains the same. Hopefully you will have understood my literary reference. If not, I'll explain it in a minute.

Why, you may wonder, oh why change it now? Aside from being hopelessly generic, it simply didn't say very much about my feelings towards this dance. And it didn't help that bloggers around the globe didn't quite know what to call my blog on their blog roll. The number of variations clearly indicated that something had to be done to the name for people to realize that it was the same blog!

As for the choice of name, Tangri-lá is a topical homage to Shangri-la, that mystical, mythical, harmonious, paradisaical place James Hilton created in Lost Horizon. Of course, Tangri-lá is not mythical. It is the place I go while in the Divine Abrazo. All of us have been there at least once - and why we spend so much of our life obsessing about this amazing dance. We want to go back!

Fortunately for us all, getting there it doesn't require a passport, or vaccines for exotic and deadly diseases (although the Tango bug is incurable). Just another pair of arms and the wail of the bandoneón...

Things I learned in 2007

Love does indeed heal everything.
I look good bald.
Mind over matter is not just a saying.
More people think of me than I ever thought.
One day at a time really does get you through anything.
I have great friends.
I have more friends than I realized.
No matter how bad things get, it helps to have a sense of humor.
Cat petting is the world's best therapy.
I am fearless.
Watching a performance of something you wrote is incredibly fulfilling.
I miss dancing Tango more than anything else.
Hot flashes will lead to insanity.
Hugs are the best medicine (unless you're having a hot flash).
Email makes anything possible.
There is nothing good chocolate won't make you forget.
The power of prayer can be received long distance.
There is no need to put up with arrogant doctors; find another one.
I don't handle pain very well.
Blogging is addictive.
When you don't sleep well, it's hard to be happy.
I would not have gotten through the year without my sweetie.
I have no regrets.

People can be very strange. They wonder what the was point of staying so healthy all my life since I got cancer anyway. My answer is that it helped me kick its butt.