There's Nobody to Dance With

TP asks a provocative question: Who Do You Like to Dance With?, based on the theory that advanced dancers can enjoy a dance with ANYONE.

In his post he disagrees with this notion, citing all the many advanced dancers who prefer to sit most of the night and only get up to dance with a very select handful of partners.

Speaking only of "advanced" dancers, I would argue that this is certainly true from some people, but not all people. There are many "advanced" dancers who enjoy dancing with many partners. I think it's a matter of taste, and also a matter of personal perspective. But if you are out every night, every week, all year, then I would probably agree that you'd want some sort of "guarantee" of fun each time you got out on the dance floor.

On the other hand, depending on our level of expectation, it is possible to have fun with people with whom we would not normally dance.

It has always been my philosophy that the connection and the bliss starts from ourselves. We create the possibility. My intention is ALWAYS "this is going to be fun". But to have this mindset, it requires accepting some degree of risk, that accepting a dance with an unknown entity may be downright unpleasant. For me, this is a risk I would gladly take: if it is truly that awful, I will end the partnership after one dance. And I learned long ago to let it go. I have not had one bad dance ruin my night in many, many years.

There is also the issue of defining "enjoyment". There are partners with whom I have a blast because they are fun people, and not necessarily great dancers. There are advanced dancers I just cannot connect to because it's all about "the dance" and not about "us". And then there is that gasp-inducing, hallucinogenic connection which only comes around once every few years. And usually with someone just passing through, who lives on the opposite side of the planet.

If I were to only dance with those who provide me with that sort connection, I would also probably sit most of every night I went dancing. But I prefer to expand my options rather than limit them, because the serendipity of discovering a wonderful connection with a complete unknown adds even more to that connection. At my last milonga, I danced with two people I had never seen before, one of them a great deal shorter than I. The first was someone I'd watched on the floor and knew he was going to be fun - and he was divine. The latter suddenly appeared before me towards the end of the night, and since I'd had a particularly great night, felt the odds were in my favor. We then had three terrific tandas of playful, musical, and rhythmic dancing.

In the end I think the answer to "who do you like to dance with" depends on that definition. For me, enjoyment does not require that "connection". I can enjoy a plain brownie without nuts or frosting for what it is. If we set out to dance with only "the best", with the most stupendous connection, then we are certain to have many less dances. And the more selective we get about what we "enjoy", the greater the probability that we feel "there is nobody to dance with".