So Much More

Sexual. Sensual. Suggestive. Tantalizing. Seductive.

To the uninitiated, this must be what tango appears to be all about. And if that were the case, milongas would simply be another version of a pick-up bar, where the most popular goal is to get laid at the end of the night.

In popular media, whenever there's a need to show someone or something to be any of these things, tango music suddenly swells into the background and total strangers gaze longingly into each other's eyes before collapsing into each other's arms, legs wrapping around each other. But it's not. Well, not to most of us. There are always the "barracudas" and "piranhas" circling the "tango fish", and most people stay clear of them. But if expressed in terms of a percentage, the number of people who go to milongas to "get some" is minuscule. Most of us are driven to find and re-experience that "connection" that seems to only happen on the dance floor, and which defies most attempts at transforming it into a formal relationship.

Now, according to some men I've spoken to, and recent posts by my horny blogger pal Alex, sex is indeed, the only goal for men. And that may be true out there. But I think that for most of us - both men and women - Tango is so much more than just these things. There is no denying that these emotions can and do exist in some measure within ourselves, and on occasion with some partners. And I know that there will always be some people who do want it to be "more". But I know that if "sex" was the only allure of Tango, I would not have stuck with it this long.

Like a long-term relationship, Tango offers me so much more than an immediate physical gratification. More like "love" than "sex", Tango heightens our senses, creating a pathway that connects our mind, body, heart, and soul. And even if the possibility of getting sex is what initially brings some people into the fold, it isn't long before they realize it's not about that and they either quit or become another Tango addict.

Flirtatious. Playful. Imaginative. Creative. Energizing. Inspiring. Intimate.

Adjectives that are sorely missing from the popular perceptions and media definitions of Tango. Sometimes even in those "in-the-know" projects developed by highly respected eminences in our little world. Perhaps because of marketing pressures and other "outside" influences, we continue to here hackneyed phrases such as "a vertical expression of a horizontal desire".

Because if this indeed was the principal goal, hardly anyone woman over 25 would be asked to dance, and almost no man over 35 would get a dance. No, I feel that we give each other something far more meaningful - and often as much (or more) fun as - a romp in the hay when total strangers can hold each other and create magic to the strains of the bandoneón.

It is that last adjective, intimacy, which is at the heart of our beloved dance and makes it possible for the magic to happen. The magic that takes place only when there is total trust in and respect for our partner. Tango allows us to experience complete intimacy without having to sacrifice anything about ourselves. In fact, when partners betray that trust and turn the embrace "sexual", it will lead to banishment.

"Sex" is a physical act and can take place without intimacy. Like brushing our teeth. And intimacy is something that may - but does not automatically - lead to sex.

In the universe of the tango embrace, the supreme being is intimacy, not sex.