Declining a dance, only to realize they're really good (by watching them dance with others)
or
Accepting a dance, and extricating yourself after the first song because it's torture?
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Which Is Easier?...
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11 comments:
I vote for the later, since I experienced it last night. Arrrgh.
Also because after a bad partner, you wonder if the others (the good ones) are ever going to invite you after seeing THAT.
FYI : They still did, but it took time.
Ay, Tassilli (welcome). There's the rub. If you do accept and then depart, will it scare off potential good partners who haven't danced with you before?
On the other hand, 'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all...
Or something.
If I haven't seen them before at all, I normally accept, deal as best I can with whatever happens, and chalk it up to experience. The circumstances in which I'll extricate myself are pretty unusual.
Yes, better to have to excuse yourself than have to kick yourself in the "bum", Ms. H.
Last night I had the opportunity of actually seeing an unknown entity BEFORE he approached, thereby avoiding either scenario :-)
Ahhh the "unknown entity" or what I like to call the "non-entity"...
Here's a twist on the question...I have actually not danced with certain followers because they were dancing with a "bad" leader...
Is that bad?
I have occasionally considered whether some people choose whether to dance with a follower or not on the basis of her discrimination, and will only dance with her if she doesn't dance with certain other people. But obviously there's no way for me to know what criteria they use.
On the whole I've decided that for the time being, at least, I can't afford to take account of that. Suppose I sit around for hours and hours avoiding poor or average dances in order to get better dances I probably won't get anyway. The rejects will say I'm a stuck-up bitch, people who don't know me will conclude that I can't dance, I probably still won't be good enough for the people who want a magic unpolluted princess, I'll have wasted my money on a miserable evening, and I just won't get enough practice to improve.
If I'm going to sit on my arse all evening, I can stay at home and knit.
So, I don't know if it's bad or good for you, but I don't think I can afford to pay attention to it.
Alex, is your real first name "Saint"?
Ms. H, (aka Perfect Unpolluted Princes LOL!!!!). I don't recall how long you've been dancing, but it does get better. Experienced dancers know what to look for in other "good" dancers - who can artistically follow even Tango Toads. Right St. Alex?
But I have found that working on my social skills have definitely helped broaden the lead pool available to me.
I've only been dancing for, ooh, fifteen months, but I'm sure you're right and it is actually on the point of getting through that patch, I think. I'm already rather good at following bad dancing well (because I've always focused on my own technique and getting the skills to deal with all sorts of difficulties), and some of the time I can even compensate well enough to make it enjoyable for me, and even make it look good.
I can't do either of those things all the time yet. At the moment, good dancers tend to like me when they give me a go, and mediocre dancers think I'm fantastic.
I can totally cope with arm-steering now! :/
Anyone who can cope with arm steering is quite adept already, Ms. H! At some point, though, we need to overcome the fear of not dancing at all if we don't dance with bad dancers.
Whether right or wrong, I think people receive subconscious messages about what they see: if we're sticking to mediocre dancers, perhaps it's because we don't feel good about our own dancing. So why would someone who feels good about their dancing want to dance with us?
I'm just sayin'...
I think refusing a dance for no other reason than the partner not being good enough or fun enough is silly and only hurts the refuser in the long run. Your tango can only be improved by dancing with people who have more AND less experience than you. I've been dancing for almost a year now, and I've realized that the followers who display the least snobbishness improve the quickest and have way more fun. Also, a little hint to all you followers: I know a lot of leaders, who have climbed out of their beginning stages into very good dancers, remember those who helped and those who didn't on their journey.
Thank you for surfacing, Tango Underground! You make excellent points. As an "old-timer" in the community, I still regularly dance with beginners - at least once :-) But I only dance with them again if they really work at it and show continued improvement.
Also, "good enough" or "fun enough" is a relative term.
Many dancers never bother to get past the most rudimentary elements, and I refuse dances with them because they hurt me physically, and because yes, as selfish as it may sound, I'm there to have a good time, and they never give me one.
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