Is it Possible to Teach "Following"?

The air crackles with excitement; people rush back and forth, bumping into each other, then disappear behind closed doors. Faint stains of music filter into the hall from under doors and through keyholes, punctuated by muffled commands and hearty laughter.

College? Not exactly. It is a Tango festival, and the scene is repeated in every tango festival everywhere, as Tango neophytes and acolytes try to absorb as much Tango instruction as is mortally possible in the least amount of time. This "frenzy" of learning is not, of course, confined to Tango festivals, but is pervasive almost everywhere Tango is taught.

Naturally, we want to learn this breathtaking dance as quickly as we possibly can - and that is the the paradox: Tango is not so much a dance as it is a process, which is often glacially slow. By focusing on learning steps, we are usually distanced from that initial emotional overwhelm we experience, not from the steps themselves, but that embrace - the energetic, emotional, psychic, intimate, safe connection we have with a total stranger.

If we are patient, and learn a few steps, slowly, it is possible to integrate that emotional connection into our learning curve. But most of us simply cannot resist the urge to learn "steps" and acquire a "style", and we completely miss the point of Tango and its improvisational nature to combine its infinite elements into our own, very unique Tango.

But improvisation requires letting go of anticipation; in other words, surrender. And I believe teaching this key element is lacking in current Tango teaching methods. Without a doubt, there is a meditative aspect to this dance, without which it is just another aerobic activity. But there are few, if any, classes, that spend any time discussing or strengthening the "surrender", which is of utmost importance to the follower. You simply cannot learn "surrender" by learning steps. To the contrary, when a follower "learns steps" , it creates a sense of anticipation about the lead which is very difficult to overcome in order to surrender.

Without knowing it, we learn "following" by default, in between instructions for the lead. Sure, we are offered helpful comments on foot position, posture, and a lot of hand-waving about our "axis". But the essential skill of waiting and responding to a lead? Nope. And it may just not be possible. On the other hand, the incredibly frustrating, dull and seemingly pointless process followers experience while waiting for their partner to "figure it out" is, in fact, the best place to learn this essential surrender.

The truth is that followers want to feel like we're doing and learning "something", not simply enduring frustration and waiting around. But the way most classes are taught simply reinforces this impatience by not acknowledging the value of waiting, so this priceless opportunity to learn the key element of Tango when we first start is often squandered.

Perhaps it would help if we remember that for most of us, Tango will be a lifelong pursuit. Plenty of time for us to discover new "steps" on our own.

Requesting a Word of Advice from the Ladies...

So, it's been almost five months since I've even been able to even think about dancing. In a few weeks (hopefully), I'll be energetically ready (which is making me oddly nervous), now that the chemical ordeal is over, and I am gaining strength daily.

What I am not gaining is hair. Ok, I am, but it's more of a barely-visible minuscule fuzz than hair... And while I do look adorable (just check out the photo on my health blog), I'm pretty certain it will make most prospective partners a bit - or more - uncomfortable. Especially since I like to dance with my face buried in theirs. The Homers of the world may get away with it, but hairless tango chicks? I'm not so sure.

So, after a lot of bent-over belly laughs with a tango couple I had brunch with recently, regarding the drawbacks of wigs (where the bangs end up over my ear, below my nose, or doing a full 360...), I'm wondering what the best non-slip, sweat-resistant, head cover/adornment/whatever should be.

I can't wait to hear your suggestions :-)

Tango: It's All About Sex Anyway. Isn't It?

A comment some months ago from friend, coupled with recent postings in the "sphere" about relationships, and undesired advances, prompted me to air my thoughts on this topic. My friend's response, when I told her that not ALL men learned to dance Tango to get laid, was that I was "naive".

Am I?

Many men will tell you the only reason they're alive is to have sex :-) I suppose Tango, and it's excruciating intimacy, would seems like an approach that would guarantee the most success in that pursuit. On the other hand, I have stood within earshot of men heatedly discussing Tango - including those who did not know I spoke Spanish - and their passionate articulations are rarely about sexual conquests as the fruit of their Tango labors.

They will, however, discuss attire, and endlessly snicker behind Tango-serious faces about showing panties and excessive cleavage :-)

While we can never know another person's thoughts, I do believe we can sure as heck have something to say about their actions. It is our own inner, mental waivering about what we want which creates confusing signals, often eliciting unwanted actions. It's all about energy, folks. Ok, and possibly hemlines.

In my early days, I engaged in that mental safari for the perfect partner. Someone who would hold me and care for me and cherish me as the center of his universe in life, just as he did on the dance floor. I never voiced this desire to any man, yet their behavior towards me off the dance floor made it was clear that they were receiving this vibe.

When I met my sweetie, and that searching energy was decidedly shut off, men (the same men) approached - and treated - me completely differently. I was - and have since been - approached solely for the purpose of dancing. The same men, whose sexually motivated behavior I can witness with other women, are crystal clear with their boundaries towards me. And no, I never said anything, nor is my sweetie sitting in the corner with a loaded Beretta.

It is not just young, pretty women who receive these advances, since mental waivering is not their exclusive domain. The issue of youth and attractiveness - while desirable traits - are really just gravy for a man on a sexual mission. Though older, I remain thin and fit, am still considered attractive, and dress sensually. The only thing that has changed is me, and the message I transmit when I present myself: "I am yours on the dance floor, completely and profoundly, as long as the music plays."

This has been true for me even in Buenos Aires. I have sat at tables with both porteñas and foreigners, of all ages, sizes, and appearances, who relate stories of the "cafecito" approach from the same man I'd just danced with. In my three visits to that glorious city, I was never once propositioned for anything other than more dancing.

There is, of course, nothing wrong with sexual advances, if they are welcome. But if they are not, it's time for an honest examination of our boundaries and the image we project. Men will almost always send out a (hopefully subtle) querying signal. It's in their DNA. That they pursue those signals should indicate we are not as clear about those boundaries as we could be.

A Tango a Day Keeps Heart Attacks (and Other Diseases) Away

Yes, dear tango friends, more and more scientists are 'investigating" our passion, and concluding that unlike many other physical activities - and even "other" dances - Tango has therapeutic properties. Well, like, DUH!

"...the choice was made to study the effects of tango because it is one of the few dances that forces the couple to merge in an embrace." [This is a translation of an article published by Clarin Newspaper.]

(Are you listening, open-embrace peoples?)

And it appears to ameliorate the ravages of Parkinson's!

"The national dance of Argentina, known for its fluid, sensual movements, might prove effective in combating the debilitating disease."

It remains to be seen if Comme Il Faut-induced pulse acceleration has any added benefit.

Twilight Zone Tango

Ok, I feel really bad. I sent tangobaby a bad tango video and now she needs medical attention. I also feel bad because I said I'd let her blog about it, but I think there is enough material to go around for at least the two of us. If not more. Be forewarned: this is worse than the video at AlexTangoFuego.

About the Twilight Zone reference...

Feeling all sorts of guilt about the eyeball scarring video, I sent her my absolute favorite tango video of ALL TIME. Which it turns out is HER favorite tango video of all time, and the first we BOTH ever "favorited". Doo doo doo doo [Twilight Zone music].

So, now that THAT's explained...

I think it is unfair to be cruel about someone else's passions and efforts. [I'm, of course, referring to the "bad tango" video.] Constructively critical is what I typically aim for when having an opinion, but in this case, I just might have to make an exception.

Though I am familiar with the desperation that seems to overtake most new tangueros to get out there and show our stuff (yes, including me), most of us have at least a week's worth of lessons under our belt before hitting the stage. (And at least a minimum of two weeks before we start teaching.) At the very least, we know how to do an ocho for God's sake...

Sure, the audience is having fun. As are the, um, "dancers". Maybe if this had been a send-up of sorts? But, uh, no. They is serious.

So, I am feeling rather indignant about it. And that bothers me because, who am I to limit other people's joy? They are not dancing for me; they're clearly dancing for her friends. And I did not have to watch the whole video, but felt compelled to do so anyway in that rubbernecking sort of way one does when passing a messy accident.

And yet, these are the people who are spreading the word of Tango! Can you look down the road a couple of years and not cringe? Perhaps it is only offensive to those of us who hold this dance in a sacred place? Does anyone have a non-tango friend they'd like to show it to for an unbiased reaction? At the risk of losing that friend? And if visual trauma does ensue, you can reward them with the perfection of the "favorite tango video".

The Tao of Tango Book Club!!!!!

Yes! It's true! Tangobaby has leapt into Oprah-land and begun a Tango book club, starting with my own "thin little book". Over the years, almost everyone I have encountered who has read The Tao of Tango has wanted to discuss some aspect of it with me. Well, here's everyone else's opportunity to do so!

I've never done this before, so it's really exciting for me, although I'm not sure how this blog-based book club is going to work. Tangobaby will be moderating, readers will post comments and questions, and I'll be, well, responding. Once it's set up, I'll be posting a link to it on this page.

The target start date is November 1. You can order the book on-line either directly from the publisher, or from Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Let's discuss amongst ourselves!!!

Steps vs. Connection

I just read a very interesting post at a newly discovered Tango Blog (TangoScopio). He talks about the difference a milonguero and a baliarín. A lot of it I agree with, and some of it is a bit "matter of personal opinion". But he did write something that sort of, for me, crystallized the biggest difference between "nuevo" and "old-fashioned" (for lack of a better term) Tango.

He describes the milonguero as someone for whom the connection is the Holy Grail. He has a limited knowledge of a few simple steps, which he executes very well, and whose order he shuffles around for variety. Learning more steps, or spiffying up the ones he knows just distances him from this goal.

The bailarín (or "dancer") has an armada of steps at his disposal, and is constantly adding to their number and their complexity. His goal is an aesthetic one, which requires this constant searching for new steps. Repeating the same step in one Tango is just plain shameful.

I'm with the milongueros, with regards to the "connection". It's what sent me into Tango spasms and instant addiction in the first place. HOWEVER... I also believe it is possible (under very rare circumstances and only with someone who understands - and REVERES - the connection and works it into everything he learns) to have a connection with someone who knows more than 7 steps.

But, with all due respect to the extraordinary milongueros with whom I have had the privilege of dancing, I also think it is possible to learn something new now and then without a Holy Grail meltdown. It's about balance: never learning anything new can lead to stagnation and auto pilot. Constantly learning something new makes it nearly impossible to profundizar", or go deeper.

In a perfect Tango Fantasy World, you get both: an ungodly connection AND a smorgasbord of steps. But in the real Tangoland, it's usually one at the expense of the other. Neither is better than the other, and I enjoy both, but I personally prefer the connection to the steps; the former is like a spiritual recharge, the latter tightens my glutes. But I also like to break up all this profound connecting now and then with a little kicking up of heels. Why not. It's fun. Even the most devout Buddhist meditator has to get up and pee now and then...

So I am always amazed (and, quite frankly, dismayed) at all the women who have made the trek to BA, and come back breathless and starry-eyed from all the steps they got to do down there, blithely dismissing, with a little flop of the hand, the old men whose dancing is so boring...

Either the "connection" is NOT what is feeding their Tango need, or our definition of it does NOT coincide.

The Dangers of Decolletage

What with Southwest Airlines recently threatening to bump a young blond passenger because of insufficient length of fabric between her chest and thighs, and all the recent tango postings about miniskirts and men's leers.... I just got to thinking.

Which is a dangerous activity for me recently, what with the depleted brain cell condition I'm in. I mean, do I even have enough juice to punctuate properly? Or even make sense?

See, already I'm blathering. Which is what happens when I start thinking about fashion and all its ramifications. Especially regarding Tango.

Perhaps it's because Tango taps so deeply into people's fantasies, that it is reflected in the way they dress. We have all been there. I am guilty of the garter-less, lace-topped Victoria's Secret thigh-highs peeping through the slits in my skirt. For a short time I even wore skirts above my thighs. Until I saw myself in a video...

The point I'm laboring towards, however, is that we is visual critters. Especially men. Our first impression of other people is visual. Unless, of course, you are blind, but that's a whole other topic. Even before you are introduced to someone, you have already looked at them or are in the process of looking up and down at them, and have already made certain mental notes, formed opinions, and have a general feel about liking them or not. All based on a simple glance.

Now put that into the context of a milonga, where men and women may not know each other. How to make a choice from all the unknown choices? One that will guarantee the most satisfaction? For a man, it will most certainly include a lot of shortness of skirt, or airing of cleavage. Preferably both, the latter pressed in heaving rapture against his own. Chest, I mean. Because after that, if she can dance too, it's just gravy.

Such an ensemble also benefits its wearer by offering her the best odds of being noticed and asked to dance. It's called competition. You want to get on the dance floor. So does every other female in the room. And scanty shreds of fabric flailing about are one way of luring a leader's eye. Regardless of age.

That having been said....

Using provocative and revealing outfits to get dances is an arguably successful ploy, albeit one that is also a double-edged sword. Beginner followers - regardless of age - wield it with gusto because a) it's fun; and b) there are only so many "mercy dances" out there per night. Hey! New outfits and lots of dances?! What's not to like??!!!

But if her dancing does not progress, and/or her attire does not evolve, she will always be asked to dance because her partner can show off her underwear. You think it's a coincidence they save all those calecitas and colgadas for women in short skirts? And if the skirt also has a flair, she'll be doing triple time on ochos, both backwards and forwards! Then, after the polite walk back to the table, the men will huddle and talk about what was seen and felt.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. If someone doesn't really care about WHY they're on the dance floor as long as they're ON the dance floor, then really, who am I to judge?