The Magical Lead

A few years ago, I wrote the following post for a Tango list. It prompted a nice, healthy discourse for a while, and to this date, I find portions of it scattered amidst the many Tango sites and communities now populating the web. I thought it would be appropriate to open this particular blog with a reissuing of my thoughts on:

The Magical Lead

What Constitutes a Magical Lead?
I went to one of our local milongas last night and had the enormous pleasure of dancing with a milonguero visiting from another city. He had one of those imperceptible leads that nevertheless was precise and clear. We were doing very complicated footwork, syncopations and paradas, and yet, I never felt a "lead". After dancing with him for a magical tanda, I danced with someone who felt like he was driving a Mac truck with no power steering. It really got me to think about something that might be an interesting topic for discussion, a philosophical versus technical query.

What is it, in the non-technical sense, that makes for that fabulous lead? It is not "put the foot here, shift the weight there", because there are some marvelous dancers whose footwork breaks every rule. It is not counting either, because during improvisations, anything can happen and counting would get in the way.

Anyway, you get the picture. I would like to start by offering my own possible elements of what constitutes a magical lead.

1. Surrender
There is a moment in the magical leader's (ML) first embrace where there is a tangible melding of energies. Not just the back and forth shifting to make sure you're both on the same foot, but a kind of spiritual handshake. In that momentary embrace, comfort levels are detected, postures are assessed, breathing is harmonized, embrace is established. The ML's first concern is always the couple, not the steps he wants to lead. For this to happen, the ML must surrender to his partner in the same way as the follower must surrender to his lead. He must surrender any image of what he wants/expects to do and open himself to the possibility of what might develop.

2. Musicality
Without exception, every ML uses the music!! This is the single most important misunderstanding people have about Tango. Improvisation does not mean "ignore the music". We must find the soul of the music, and its heartbeat. If the leader follows the music, the follower has a frame of reference in which she can move as well. They are both working off the same script. But when a leader randomly does fast steps, slow steps, complicated steps. and pauses without regard to the music, a woman has no choice but to follow - robot style - since she does not have any idea when he might move again. I believe leaders who cannot hear the music are also unable to "hear" their partner.

3. Following
Related to #1 - Surrender. How does the ML spin me, stop me, turn me, while barely laying a hand on me? I don't think it is as much to do with placing me in the right place as it is placing himself. An accomplished ML explained it as "following the woman". I think that best expresses the body relationship between the two. It isn't about shoulders being perfectly lined up, or a constant distance between the two chests or any of that stuff. The man's lead for the exact same step will be different from one effort to the next, even with the same partner, due to a million variables: people crossing his path, sticky spot on the floor, gorgeous woman crossing his line of vision, etc. The woman's response will therefore also vary, due not only to those same variables, but also to the altered lead she receives. And yet, the ML's lead remains constantly magical through a barrage of variables. What he seems to do is place himself at the point of intersection, turning me with the presence of his body rather than twisting me about with his arms. He is not a brick will I must crash into to change directions, but more of a gentle, breezy persuasion.

4. Awareness
Definitely part of #3. The ML is always aware of his partner, and is able to interrupt or alter a step if she can't/won't follow. He can turn a stumble into a new step because he is responding to his partner - and is not hell-bent on completing a step. The ML's focus is not on one thing but on everything: he is aware of the woman's input and responds to it, even as he simultaneously responds to the quickly changing conditions of the dance floor. This awareness is not something that automatically develops once the leader is an advanced dancer. I have experienced this awareness in the arms of absolute beginners - a sure sign that they will one day be MLs.

What do you think makes for a Magical Lead? What about a Magical Follow?

Why I Haven't Learned to Lead

After more than 10 years of dancing, performing and coaching Tango, and achieving a modest level of notoriety as the author of The Tao of Tango, many people ask why I have not yet learned to lead as well.

"Not yet", as though it is just a logical matter of time.
"As well", as if it were just a matter of changing shoes.
As though one lifetime were long enough to really learn how to follow....

Ok, ok. Perhaps I'm being a tad too sensitive or overly-conservative, or just plain stubborn. Call me a contrarian; I do not experience that precipitated urge so very many people only recently introduced to Tango have about teaching... Still, the question certainly is valid. What, pray tell, could I possibly still have to learn about following?! here are MY reasons:

Absolute Reasons to Learn How To Lead
1. You are a man. Fine. So call me a chauvinist. I'm old-fashioned when it comes to MY Tango. I have absolutely no problem with anyone wanting to learn how to lead, and will and have danced with another woman. But if you're a man, you had better learn how to lead. Period.

2. You are a teacher. In this case, you must not only know how to lead expertly, you must also know how to follow expertly. Even if you teach with a partner, if you label yourself a teacher, you should be able to teach Tango. Which requires both leading AND following.

3. You are a professional dancer/choreographer. Same as being a teacher, you have a responsibility to understand both sides of the Tango equation, especially if you want to portray Tango with the respect it deserves.

Personal Preference Reasons to Learn How to Lead
3. You don't want to wait for a man to ask you. I'm sorry, but I have NEVER had this problem. And trust me: I am NOT some cute little chicky in a tiny little skirt! If you live anywhere but Argentina, and you must desperately get on the dance floor, then ask someone for goodness sake! Or maybe you need to take more classes :-)

4. Intellectual curiosity - I'm all for it. If learning to both lead and follow results in being a better, more compassionate, more patient, more generous dancer. A lot of people who have learned to lead have expressed surprise at how difficult it is (duh????!!!!!!) and declare a newfound respect for leaders (double duh???!!!!!).

5. You're bored with following. ??!!%@#*$@#!

My Relationship to the "Absolute" and "Preferential" Reasons to Learn to Lead/
1. "You're a man." - Not a man, last time I checked.
2. "You're a teacher." - Not a teacher either. Although I have briefly taught (with a partner), coached, and been a practice partner . But I do not feel uncontrollably compelled to do any of these on an ongoing, professional, collect-money-as-I-do, basis. I do continue to coach on occasion.
3. "You don't want to wait." I suppose this depends on what is meant by "waiting". Personally, I do not expect to be grabbed the instant I walk in the door (although this has been known to happen). But if waiting even 10 minutes seems like seven eternities then I'd be willing to bet that there is also some struggling with the concept of "following" (or whatever is the preferred genderless, non-sexist, un-derogatory word-du-jour for the (mostly) women's half of the equation). I know that it is very easy to get our self-worth all tangled up with how full our dance card is, but personally, I prefer quality to quantity. If there is ANYTHING I learned of great value in Buenos Aires, is that you should take your time when you arrive to greet your friends (giving others a chance to see you in all your friendly Comme-Il-Faut glory), see who is there, where they are sitting, and allow you to choose your partners wisely. For me, this is part of the very core of following - to wait until given a lead. The young, sexy little chickies will always get the first dances - it is inevitable, even natural; they attract attention. But unless they are also really, really good dancers (in which case I regard them with reverential hatred), eventually the better leaders seek me out.
4. "Intellectual Curiosity." - Again, my curiosities lie elsewhere. I find there is always something new to learn with respect to following, and learning how to follow brilliantly holds enough of a challenge to satisfy my curiosity. As a woman/follower, I reserve the right to change my mind at any point in the near or very distant future. Or not.
5. "You are Bored." Bored!? BORED??!!! That's like saying we're tired of learning another language after learning to conjugate three verbs!!! Bored. I find this reason incomprehensible. (Those folks cannot possibly be dancing Tango!) Perhaps we can be bored with our dance partners, or the venues, or the general pettiness of our local tango communities. But of Tango itself???... My daily life is filled with the elements of leading: making decisions, taking charge, assigning chores, directing, and I rarely have an opportunity to savor that delicious quality of entrusting myself to another in absolute trust. I achieve my personal balance through the surrender process of following in Tango, and reconnect with that part of myself which is unappreciated, even unrecognized in the world at large. The pleasure of being enveloped in that experience is food for my soul and I never tire of it. I am challenged by bringing that quality to all the moments I do not spend in "the embrace". It is a lifelong endeavor.

This is my Tango. Yours may be similar or from an alternate universe. It's all good as long as we respect each other's views. Remember: no one can tell you how to feel Tango.